8/30/2008
3:58 am
And you do it like this!
RE:
sleep deprivation
its my 455th post. its 0358hrs on 30th of august now.i've got nothing but time to kill.
you would probably be wondering what the hell am i doing up so early in the morning. the fact is i've slept yet and im going to work soon. taxi will be here in 50 mins. goddamn!
i've been having sleeping problems lately. especially with the exams nearing, im always disturbed with alot of scarry thoughts each time i close my eyes to wonder to lala land. but it just keeps me awake and its really irritating me. i need the sleep.i need the rest. i've even thought of going to the doctor and make him prescribe me sleeping pills. but some advise me against that.they do not want me to become independent on it.
i was tinking like maybe i should give it a try. desperate times means desperate measures. i dun realli care if i get dependent on it. its just for the time being.hopefully after A levels im able to sleep peacefully then.im just worried and lately this worrying thing has been increasing to drastic level. which just provide me with another thing to worry about. sleeping!
insomniac? i dun tink so. at times i can realli sleep like a baby.some people say im a morning person but to me i dun realli tink so.dats because i can hardly wake up and go to school on time.but the effort is there!our body has a internal alarm clock. when u wake up a certain time regularly, ur body recognises it and without the alarm clock ringing, u will wake up naturally.i just have this habit that once i wake up or get disturbed from my sleep its even harder to continue it.especially when my room is all bright.
its not that im being choosy or anithing but when i sleep, it has to be really quiet and dark and undisturbed for the next few hours so that i can really rest.hence this is why i say i sleep like a baby.this is ofcourse on a normal day. on days that im super tired physically and mentally, i can just sleep despite a bomb exploding beside me.how i wld do anithing to sleep like my brother. u can shout in his ear and wake him up but the next moment hes back sleeping.food for though, sleeping excessively can cause health problems.
the best part i like about not getting enough sleep is that i'll be super sleepy by late afternoon.i planned to go to ubin after work today but with me not sleeping, i doubt i can find the ability to resist being fuckin cranky.YES i get cranky without enough sleep.sad fact but true.like how hulk gets angry with provocation, i turn into hulk when i lack sleep.its scarry and i hate such a trait in me!
hopefully i can last through work without getting caught sleeping somewhere.and now im feeling realli sleepy already.i hate this! I HATE THIS!!! i really want to sleep now but there is not enough time. its getting really bad. im tired of counting sleep to sleep. yes, i do such a thing literally but with imaginary sheeps. suddenly i have this urge to ask my bro to call my manager and cook up a story that im in hospital for super high fever. its just sooo bloody tempting. but arrrgh! ive been trusted this responsibility. besides im psyching up myself to be a good samaritan and the fasting month is a stepping stone. hopefully with the help of god im able to conquer my desires and continue it for the rest of my life.
did you know that before islam, religions are based on skin colour, caste and status. islam is unique that u can be anybody but if ur a muslim, ur as equal as any other tom dick or harry.its a good practice to unite people despite differences. we are all one under a faith. i saw this thing on a documentary on national geographic 's prophet mohammed.
and in case u racist bastard start saying that prophet mohammed married young virgins for his own desire, you are wrong! he married them because he help them as their husbands died in wars fighting for islam. all in all he had 11 wives of which 3/4 are for the above mentioned reason.so do ur research before making judgements. he is not as demented as some people are nowadays. unlike people who torture slaves, he is nice to them. he preaches unity in believing in one god and he is the messengger of god. just dat simple. there is no forcing to convert to islam, no missionaries to brainwash and no incentives for believing in allah. its just u and ur relation to god which will determine ur life after death. such a documentary had such a big impact on me.
i feel the need to relinquish my faith and lead a better life. why wait any longer, the holiest month is just around the corner. just one wish, help me god.
till den....(0430hrs 3oth aug 2008)
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/29/2008
12:23 am
And you do it like this!
RE:
today's GP paper was rather interesting. fear is so scarry that people are fearing to fear itself.and the most disgusting thing is people can even collect for compensation for being fearful and not the actual fear itself happening. i like the line where the author said 'no longer do people fear god and hell...fear is instilled by pollution and cancer.
borned to fight, trained to kill and tortured to fear nothing but god.
i noticed that as i put in effort to study and score for gp, i begin to really think when im all by myself. issues about the world. poverty, hunger and problems closer to home like increasing standard of living. sometimes i wish the world was a better place where people really cared for each other. greed is soo evil.
songs like MJ's they dont care about us and LP's what ive done are the seeds of my raging thoughts to change the world. howcome super powers are not able to do anithing about all this?
why cant we live as one world. we are globalizing fast, and geographical boundaries doesnt realli matter animore. doesnt that make us a global society?
yet, people exploit at every chance they can find. the race to riches will never end. as the rich gets richer, the poorer is getting poorer. many leaders emphasise on the issue of being fair. yet many babies now either start their life now on extreme ends of the money scale.its very hard to break out of poverty nowadays. the competition to succeed is to great. and as u all know, money makes the world go round. its a sad fact of modern life.
despite the endless paper chase,many tend to drive the idea that education is not the key to success. but the truth is,if u dun have education, u dun even get a chance to step on the stepping stone.however, some may argue that, u can be successful thru music and sports etc but such sector themselves are highly competitive and guarantees no safety net. u go mute or break a leg and ur career could be over.we can hardly leave it to chance nowadays. one mistake and u could bear responsible for it for life.hence do not believe people who say that education is not the only key to success; these people probably have degrees themselves. bleh!
dats all for now.
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/25/2008
11:42 pm
And you do it like this!
RE:
revelation
-the rose represent accomplishment.when the sun rise, and the rain comes down and the rainbow shines..a rose would bloom.
-the colour black signifies the darkside of anger.the ugly side that will appear when things do not follow the black rules.
-the whole logo represents the a person who do things his way, the way he want it to be done period.no negotiation, no deal, no mercy.
my definition of retrival expert.
The many images of Retrivial Expert. suddenly i have a carving for tribal tattoos. as much i want to get want one , i do not believe any form of body mutilation. i love dwayne johnson's body art. its fabulous.
how nice would dat look on my back or maybe on the back of my next or on my forearm.
too much miami ink. im soo getting influence.
how do i say things that i dont want u to know? why cant u read my mind?
why am i like this when i feel sad? as much as i want to talk abt it, im soo used to keeping things to myself. its unhealthy but then old habits die hard.
how i wish ppl would know that as much as im all soo happy and enjoying life, i do get worried and feel low as much.
i feel like a superficial player on championship manager. where my morale is very low and there is nothing the manager can do abt it but to wait. i dunno how long it will take. i can sleep it off, or it will be a very bad day tomorrow.
emo emo emo. elmo elmo elmo.
be nice. just be nice.
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/17/2008
8:25 am
And you do it like this!
RE:
i have not been watching hindi movies for a long time.but now since i've made a pact to myself not to steal library book animore, i kind of had to depend on hindi movies to past my boring times. why not english movie u ask!? simple..im just too lazy to go out and rent as well as sit at the computer waiting for the illegal copies to load.hah! a few years back when my sisters are at home, they would always go to serangoon road and start looking for hindi movies on VCD. den we will all watch at home. eventho we have already watched it at the theatre. for example, dil to pagal hai and ishq. there are many more but i can only tink of this two. there is some explaination behind this but im not going to elaborate.
back on track, recently i've been cathing up on some not so latest hindi movies. yes..its astonishing how i spend my time when im bored. so i watched 'em and noticed this lady-vidya balan. shes pretty, shes charismatic and shes plus-size! yes! its so hard nowadays to see plus size heroines.
vidya balan- always deserve a 2nd glance.
yup. i didnt realli noticed her in 'heyy baby maybe because i was more captivated by the comedy part, continuously laughing. but the recent 'kismat konnection' which she plays a more pivotal role then only did i notices this gorgeous needle in the haystack. dats not all. one more would be katrina kaif. first sight would be in the movie 'Partner'. but love at first sight would be during the movie 'welcome'!
Katrina Kaif- BAM! What more should i say?
i feel like blogging samo. but aaaargh! something happen. no mood!!!
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/14/2008
11:08 am
And you do it like this!
RE:
i love Horoscope and Astrology.
they always have something nice to say about me.
basic info:
Nashahrudin (handsome)
3rd feb 1988
20 years old as of 3rd feb 2008.
Aquarius ~ The Water Bearer
Aquarius ~ January 21st - February 19th
Ruling Element ~ Air Sign
Ruling Planet ~ Saturn & Uranus
Metal ~ Platinum
Plants ~ Orchid; daffodil
Trees ~ Peach; cherry
Stones/Jewels ~ Turquoise & Garnet
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
*how cute! haha..i like the friendly and loyal part.*
Personality
These people are not at all conservative, in anyway. The do not conform to an ideal just because other’s do. they follow there own ideals and beliefs and these are normally more connected to the more alternative way’s of life. Aquarian people make very loyal and good friends, and will always be there to help you if they are needed. At the same time if they are not needed you may not see the Aquarius for day’s, weeks and even months is not unusual. They will be off somewhere doing something important. Or perhaps just having some well needed ‘alone time’.
muahaha! im loving this!
Health
The Aquarius needs a lot of fresh air, and likes to have the windows open even in the winter! Too much heat will make the Aquarius feel quite ill. The parts of the body associated with this sign are the ankles/shins. Sprains are common for this sign. If this sign does get ill it is most likely to be from an accident rather than from a virus such as the flu. If you are the spouse of an Aquarius expect to run around for him/her (especially him) if he/she has to take to bed. You will be expected to be nurse to some degree. The Aquarius hardly ever goes to the doctor, and doesn’t like taking prescribed medications at all. Alternative therapies are normally the direction that the Aquarius heads in and is normally right at choosing what is the right treatment for which illness.
Career
The Aquarius is very intelligent but often chooses to go for jobs where he/she feels that there is a cause involved that is worthwhile. Although some do very well at university and can learn just about anything they always seem to end up doing something different than what they had originally started out to do. For instance, they may prefer to do some work for a friend and get payed less because it is worthy than get payed more for something that isn’t so. Modern technology ghas brought an interest to the Aquarius males especially as they love to solve problems. So computer technology is often a good place for an Aquarius to gain knowledge. Money isn’t everything to an Aquarius, if they need some for something they will earn more, but if it is just for themselves then they are not so bothered really. A lot of Aquariun’s especially the women are great with instruments. And would be wasted if they did not in some way become involved in music. Basically though the Aquarius is a very capable person and can do anything, but only if that is what the Aquarius chooses. They can be just as good at doing nothing at all!!
and a search off my birth date says that im a rabbit.
THE RABBIT-
Sociable, Discreet, Refined, Shrewd, Perceptive, Sensitive, Aloof.
While they may not like it, the Rabbit is a timid, attractive being who is usually non-confrontational. Rabbits are very popular with friends and family. They are inherently compassionate and protective of those they care about. Rabbits idealize their relationships and may give far more of themselves than is healthy. Fortunately the Rabbit surrounds itself with friends and family who will help it regain its balance when thrown off emotionally. Rabbits are a bit fragile and need a solid social foundation in order to thrive. Without a strong family and close friends the Rabbit will not stand up well to adversity. Rabbits are so sensitive to their feelings that any emotional upset may make them physically sick. Rabbits can be pessimistic if they feel as though their lives are at a stand-still. By nature they are insecure about their place in the world. Rabbits move through life at their own pace. They are both contemplative and often procrastinators.Rabbits love the home life. Within a strong family environment the Rabbit may find the security it needs to blossom and become more self-assertive.
Ideal jobs:
Antique dealer, Diplomat, Administrator, Interior decorator, Politician, Historian, Art collector, Barrister, Tailor, Receptionist, Chemist, Landlord, Pharmacist, Beautician, Accountant, Librarian.
Lucky numbers:
1, 3, 5, 9, 15, 19 and 35.
Take note of the number 1 and 3. those are my jersey numbers when i play rugby and walk out off the field standing strong. no injuries. no wonder i couldnt excel as a number 8. damn.
this is like sooo fun. so 'de javu'. its like somebody telling me who i am and i go ' omg! how the heck do you know!'. this also says that there are others like me out there. im not all alone! muahaha! the health part is soo true. i hardly ever get sick and when i get hurt its because of injury, rugby training or i get all burned out and aching after gg to the gym. and i hated going to the doctor. even if its to the polyclinic to get and MC for skipping school. i rather get into trouble or sneak into school. i feel better like dat.hah!
finally..i love computers! i love riddles,teasers and something to make me think out of the box! its so thrilling. and do i even have to say about my interest in music!? BAAM!
anyways...im having trouble sleeping at night. im having panic attacks just closing my eyes to go to sleep. im tinking abt everything that is happening in my life. its so scarry. exams!!! aaargh! panic attack!
its like i got soo much to do but sooo little time! aniways..i got my priorties list up! bam!
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/11/2008
10:28 pm
And you do it like this!
RE:
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/09/2008
8:34 am
And you do it like this!
RE:
problems problems problems.
Problem problem problem.
i hav to agree my life isnt the worst case scenario of a problematic life. im sure there are others out there who are going through worst that wad i tink hell is to me. now comes the time of my life which give me so much problems, so much stress it even haunts me in my dreams. its like a swinging pendulum. one moment everything is bliss! and in a split second its all shitty.
but being an optimistic person with a handful experience with problems, i choose to shut it all away and show no emotion. in other words 'i dun care'. it does affects me. the littlest things that changes affects me because i am not very adaptable. i used to depend on the chance that when all is good i depended on it to feul my happiness. but time and again i get dissapoint as the fuels run out. over the years, as i mature, i realised that i have to find my own fuel for my own happiness.
someone once told me that 'siblings are god-given choice upon you whereas friends are choices at ur own freewill'. hence choose your friends wisely. i miss sadiq.i miss salleh.they are very busy nowadays. how i wish i had gone to army instead so that when we ORD..we do it together! but like i say, things changes. so now i hav to go hunting for fuels again in this fuel-scarce world.i hate to do this. as anti-social as i can be, i hav a hard time making friends. i hate to be superficial. i want to make friends with ppl who knows me, my attitude, my crudeness, my jokes, my tantrums, those who share common interest with me and the ones who i can share my problems and thoughts with.
wouldnt all of that be fun? life short :) enjoy it while it last!
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________
8/04/2008
7:11 pm
And you do it like this!
RE:
answers for sale
what have i done?!what am i doing?!
numerous examples lay peacefully before me.all had a fairytale ending.but why is it bothering me? is it insecurity?is it trust? how do i find answers?who do i turn to?who CAN i turn to?
have i neglected my family that long,till the point that trust is a mere word?its complicated, too complicated. in a lineage squeezed between pride and prejudice,breaking free is taboo! unless there is others to revolt together beside me. maybe then,i'll realise that im not alone and im not walking down this path alone.maybe then, such problems will not matter to me.
A soul who believes that failing will only make one a better person and perfection isn't everything.And that soul has not been allowed to practice his beliefs.
YET,im afraid of failure.its painful.its demoralizing.the muriels i had to paint over old wounds to cover the scars took along time to complete.
i now believe that an unregretful decision can only be made with proper advice and assurance.A decision taken hastily will only lead to remorse.
im old enough to realised that living day to day is a thing of the past.im old enough to know that it is very important the achieve my mid-term goals.in contrary, im afraid to think about my long term goals. only the journey is written, the destiny is awaiting to be carved by time.
as much as i dream of a life where the future is unknown, i cant fulfill it because the flaw of such dreams lies at the fact that what i do will affect the others around me.i wish i had the whole world to myself,but at the same time life would be so boring being all alone.
i have found my answer.
________________Your's truly, Nashady__________________